Shame shuts down the growth and learning centres in our brains.
This is something that parents, teachers, instructors, and trainers must know. We use shame mixed with all kinds of insults…You are not good enough…You can never learn this…You spend too much time on the net…You are wasting away your life…Your room is a mess.
The reason behind these reprimands is that maybe these will motivate the learner to work harder and show some improvement.
Not just with the others, we often use shame on our own selves. Are there things in your past that you feel you should have done differently? How many of us feel that we are not living our lives as perfectly as we planned them?
Brain scans have shown that the feeling of shame releases hormones that can shut down the learning centres in our brains. Our minds go numb and blank. We are more likely to give up rather than focus our attention on the task in front of us.
Shame never works.
So, what works?
Kindness
Kindness works. Kindness floods the brain with dopamine which can turn on those learning centres again helping the learners to show better results.
We also need to be kind to ourselves. Only kindness to our own selves can give us the courage to look back at things in our past that we are not very proud of. Also, with kindness, we can accept our present as the best versions of ourselves.
So when parents and teachers try to make children feel ashamed for their under-achievements, it is just for their own satisfaction. It serves to release their own anger and disappointment. It does absolutely nothing for the receiver.
Try giving kind attention to see the positive changes.
Very true ,it only demoralise our self confidence .Nice and inspiring post.I have nominated you for Blue Sky Tag Blog Award again.
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Wow! Thanks
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Welcome
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Absolutely agree with you! It lowers self esteem in children, while a positive encouragement can work wonders!
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Very useful post, yes shame can satisfy their anger it can’t give encouragement to the receiver
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Thanks Subbashini!
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Yes we must know how each kid responds to different methods. Some react better to criticism when others shut down to criticism. Others respond better to praise. Everyone is different
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what a wonderful post, thanks for sharing
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Thanks Eddie for the visit and your comments.
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You’re welcome,
thanks so much for stopping by,
how very kind of you
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Ditto to all that. Good post.
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Thanks Jamie!
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https://soulrhymestime.wordpress.com/
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Such a great reminder. Thank You!
http://LynDurante.com
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Thankfully, I don’the remember any of my teachers attempting to snuff oUT my fire. They did think I talked to much, aND one was a bit taken aback by my clowning. Even though I myself have had to reign in both of these over the years, I have found that with a little polish, both are part of what makes my talent working with (raising their quality of life) people living with dementia so successful. Glad I still don’t allow knit-picking to affect my glow.
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As a kid, your cuteness gladdened your parents’ heart and now as a grown up you are bringing joy and relief to so many people. Congratulations! Life can be so meaningful when one can help others, specially those who desperately need it.
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Absolutely…and my “peeps” are such a pleasure to reminisce with. They are far more aware than some people realize!
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Love it, love it, love it! Don’t we wish everybody understood this? It would be a different world.
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Thank you Salee! It’s heart breaking to read what kids do to themselves after being shamed by their parents and teacher every year when the results of annual exams come out.
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Merci for following 24/7 in France, author of “Solitary Desire-One Woman’s Journey to France”- video http://youtu.be/xG_YTa5sDac & owner of Manoir Fontaine de l’Amour holiday rental in SW France
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De rien
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So very true! thank you for this post.
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Thanks Anne for the visit your kind comments.
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Wow i totally agree. Kindness has to replace shame. Shame does nothing for anyone. It aggravates both parties and nothing positive comes out of it. I like the informational part of your post. Very enlightening. 😍
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Thanks Grace for taking the time to leave a lovely note.
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You welcome. 😍
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Versatile blogger
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Excellent post! Shame even affects me as an adult, so I can see the correlation. I am parenting 6 children, so this is a great reminder because we as parents need LOTS of those. I look forward to reading more of your posts.
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Thank you so much Matthew for leaving this note. It’s great to know that you find it meaningful.
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Wonderful post!!
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Thank you Kelley! Good to know you like it.
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😉
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Awesome post I liked it👍
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Thanks for letting me know!
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I can understand the Emotions
I am very Emotional too
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Reblogged this on anita dawes and jaye marie.
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wow! thanks… This post is close to my heart.
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Reblogged this on Kindness Blog.
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Honored! Thanks
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Reblogged this on Megha's World and commented:
Reblogging this awesome article about Shame Vs Kindness
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Thank you Megha for this kind note. Honored.
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I have reblogged this awesome article on my blog site. It’s really well written. Being a parent I really understand the usefulness of the concept behind it.
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Thank you! Every day of our lives we must behave as we want to be remembered; especially with kids as childhood experiences last forever.
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So true! Shaming is abuse and it can last longer than a lifetime as the receiver often passes it on to the next generation…
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Thank you Léa! You are right. Our words, both good and bad can outlive us.
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Interesting and informative. Anand Bose from Kerala
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Thank you Anand! I’m glad you liked it.
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